Journal Entry: Addy Windrush
I am at a loss for words. Even as I write those words I can hear Seamus muttering something about miracles really do happen. But there are some experiences that exceed all human capacity to describe in language. We can merely reference the characteristics of a sunset but it is only the human mind having seen such majesty that can conjure the true meaning of the words. Fortunately for poets sunsets, as miraculous as they can be, are a common human experience. What I have just experienced only a handful of people in history could have any frame of reference.
As made clear in my earlier entries describing my stay among the Children of the Black Spirit, the whole of my time with the Apache was filled with the unexpected. Not that any time spent among the Children of the Spectrum Spirits is ever anything less than astounding. But there is something about meeting the Elders of a Technolized Tribe that is particularity awe inspiring. The Apache Oracle Conclave, as it is often translated in the common tongue, is no exception. The Conclave is comprised of the Matriarchs of each band of Apache. For whatever reason women seem to be the only ones who can fully use the gift of the Black Spirit and therefore family lineage is traced through the lines of the mothers rather than the fathers. There are among the Apache warriors those that can see slight shifts in time, a matter of seconds, but enough to make them formidable opponents. It is however the women who have visions of the unseen past, present, and future.
The Conclave resides in a sort of natural temple made up of a network of caves at the base of a plateau said to be the Black Spirit’s favorite place to dwell when he chooses to walk among his children. It would seem that the Black Spirit was in residence and had plenty to say about my coming to visit, for they greeted me as a guest of honor. It is a wonder they did so, for I came bearing the mark of the Blue Spirit; the mark of the Cherokee, a tribe of the Technolized Tribal Coalition. The Independent Technolized Tribes tended to regard those of the TTC with a minimum distant respect expected to be shown between any Children of the Spectrum Spirits. Yet the Apache Oracle Conclave’s welcome was warm and tinged with an excitement that I could not fathom.
Despite the sincerity of their welcome, little was said outside of general greetings before I was following the members of the Conclave on a climb up the side of the plateau. I had no idea where we were going other than up nor why we were going other than I recognized the word for initiation. The Oracles of the Conclave must make the journey regularly for they were nimble as gazelle as they moved from rock to rock in an unseen path. None of them were young women, most were Grandmother Daya’s age, but they showed no fatigue. I on the other hand am not as fit as I would like to think for I found it hard to breath in the first quarter of our climb and almost impossible to climb in the last quarter.
At the top of the plateau was a pool of water too small to be a lake but far too big to be a pond. The water was crystal clear revealing the staggering depths of the pool. In her broken Cherokee, the Oracle that was designated as interpreter indicated that I needed to swim to the bottom of the pool. She did apologize saying that most initiates had a lifetime of training to be able to hold their breath and withstand the depth of the pool. She also made it clear that the Black Spirit had been far more clear on the subject of my being immediately taken to the pool for initiation. What she said next was rather surprising, my coming was foretold long ago and was held as one of the greatest prophesies among the Conclave. No wonder they had greeted me as royalty. I still don’t know how I feel about being a living prophesied legend. At the time though all I could think about was the impossibility of swimming to the bottom of what looked like a bottomless pool.
The Chief Oracle spoke to me, and though I did not know what she was saying her eyes were kind and sympathetic with a glint of absolute authority. Even before her speech was translated I knew I didn’t have a choice about going in the pool. I knew that my coming may have been foretold but my acceptance was still dependent on my actions. If I was to be free of these waking nightmares I was going to have to have faith in the Black Spirit.
I remember feeling the pulse of my Blue Spirit pendant, the token of my adoption into the Stormchief family and the sign that I was considered to be a Child of the Blue Spirit. I’ve struggled against accepting the idea that I have a family. For me my family was taken from my by a man with a five tailed scorpion tattoo. Until my parents are avenged, I don’t know that I can fully accept a new family. As hard as it is for me to identify the Stormchief clan as family, I have all but publicly renounced the idea that I could be a Child of the Blue Spirit. Though recent events have been forcing me to look at all of this once more and give it more consideration.
Still in that moment I knew I was facing a test of faith in something I’ve never truly believed. I took off all of my cumbersome over clothes until I was in my pantaloons and undergarments only. Having been given the order to clear my mind I stood at the edge of the pool as the Oracle Conclave circled around and began to chant. At first the chanting was distracting and I found it hard to focus. Then again being faced with the idea of swimming to a greater depth than I’ve ever attempted to accomplish a task I was supposed to innately understand didn’t help either. Of the two, the chanting was easier to contemplate and I let it fill my mind. The chanting ushered in a swirl of images known and unknown. It was as if my mind was being flooded with all the nightmares of my previous days and I could only stand helpless before their hurricane like rush and swirl. Then, I felt an odd sensation. The only way I can describe it is to say that I was like a magnifying glass focusing the light of the sun to a single point.
A multitude of imagery and sounds became the solitary image of myself diving into the pool and headed with certainty in a designated direction. I decided I was seeing my immediate future. I figured I wasn’t dead in the vision so I took in as much air as I could and jumped into the pool in the general direction I had seen my future self swimming. For minutes untold I was in a surreal game of tag with the ghost of myself. I could feel the pressure building around me and the fire that raged through my lungs at my desperate need to breath. But I could see myself alive and moving with certainty and I couldn’t stop following that future phantom so intent and confident of her task. At long last my phantasm stopped before a wall of the pool. It was carved with a mural of some kind. Amidst the intricate carvings I was drawn in tandem with my ghost to a small medallion that adorned a warrior. We pushed the medallion and I found myself pulled further into the deep of the pool by a sudden riptide.
I barely registered the idea that I was being pulled by the outflow of water toward an opening in the pool’s wall. In my shock I had tried to suck in air and got a lung full of water. I fought to close my mouth, but I couldn’t expel the water already in the process of my permanent suffocation. I could no longer see my future self and I was certain that I had just sealed my death. But then my Blue Spirit pendant pulsed and I was surrounded in a blue glow. Coughing up water I found I could draw breath and was doing so in great gasps. I don’t even know how long I had been on solid ground before I came to be aware that my descent had stopped and I was in the roots of the plateau.
Exhausted I collapsed onto the floor of a cave that must have been the heart of the plateau. If I’d had any expectations I would have thought it should have been cold and damp. Instead it was warm. Laying on the floor I curled up embracing the warmth and letting it fill me body, mind, and soul. When I was completely relaxed I rolled over and looked up toward the roof of the cave. I was shocked to find that there was no roof to the cave. What had once been the pool was an opening to the heavens. That was when I saw it, the stars hidden by daylight. It was different from looking at the stars at night. I can’t . . . I don’t have the words to describe those impossible stars.
Awestruck I laid sprawled out looking up at the beauty that defies description. Even when I registered a presence I did not have the presence of mind to acknowledge it. It wasn’t a physical presence, but something was there. It had no audible voice but nonetheless I heard one in my very soul. If it spoke in words they were words of no tongue on earth but I clearly understood it more than I have ever understood humans with their power of speech and action. I knew it was the Black Spirit.
Some part of me felt the urge to stand or show reverence in some way but an overpowering sense of the encounter being casual caused me to remain where I was.
“This world is it’s most beautiful when viewed through human eyes. I thank you for the loan of yours for this moment. Don’t be startled. I’m not possessing you, I’m merely communing with your soul.”
Nothing the Black Spirit said made any sense to me and the frustration of that thought sent tremors through the shared peace.
” Humans are such funny creatures- you all either ignore or are ignorant of the fact that you are spirits in physical houses. It is a miraculous thing really. At once spirit and flesh. It has never been done before you know. Truly a remarkable creation, part soul and part physical body simultaneously existing in two planes. That is what draws us to you. Through you we can see the completed works of the Genesis Energy. What is more is that unlike the other creations of Genesis Energy, the Genesis Energy does not dissipate after giving birth to a world because of you. It only grows more varied and beautiful.”
Again I must reiterate that I cannot communicate with these paltry words what I knew in my soul to be their meaning. No matter how desperately I desire to capture that moment to reflect upon in the future, I cannot. Yet, even as I record this encounter I find myself using words and concepts of which I have never been taught. I can recall that after I had processed what the Black Spirit was communicating one question stood above all. Who are you?
“We do not have a name that can translate into language as you know it. Not that your mind can comprehend- but your souls know it well. We are beings who protect new worlds as they are born and in turn they feed us with the Genesis Energy generated by their creation. The Genesis Energy created when a world is born radiates from everything on that planet. It ensures that the world can continue to create life. But there is plenty to share and we partake of it in return for warding off other beings that would drain a planet of its Genesis Energy killing it before it has a chance to live.”
According to all Technolized Tribal lore, the Spectrum Spirits were not always with them. Those who carried the ways of the Spectrum Spirits came to the tribal lands a thousand years ago. Those tribes that adopted the True Ancients were in turn adopted by the Spectrum Spirits and given gifts to honor the tribes generosity. Another question surfaced. You’ve been here since the world was born?
“Oh, yes. When your world was born it was a beacon in the cosmos. So much Genesis Energy, more than ever known before. It drew us all to it. There were millions of us then and this planet could have fed us for eternity. And that was before humans showed up.”
The sensation of laughter filled my being. I had thought something that had amused the Black Spirit.
“Indeed humans are as destructive as they are creative. But as mentioned before you filled it with more Genesis Energy. Every single one of you were given the gift of creation. And with every creation you generate more Genesis Energy. Perhaps the saddest part of this story is that you have forgotten who you are.”
Something about the present tense of the Black Spirit’s line of thought struck me as odd.
“Ah. Big Brother Blue has told me much of your reluctance to believe in the world as it truly is. Shall I spell it out for you? That gift of creation is still yours. That beautiful potential for creation lives in every human. That is why this planet became our Holy Land.”
Just as I had felt a joy beyond what I dreamed possible when the Black Spirit laughed I was overcome with a grief deeper than any I can ever know, even taking into account my own tragedies.
“But the potential for creativity in humans is a double edged sword, it is also the potential for destruction. I cannot tell you how deeply I still grieve what humans have chosen to do with their gift. It was enough to poison the Genesis Energy of this world. Many of us died. Then some of us abandoned this planet to go and feed from and protect new worlds. But some of us stayed.”
The majesty of all I had beheld in that time can only be described drawing away the curtain of reality as I understand it to reveal it’s truly miraculous nature. But the feeling that came with the Black Spirit’s words was loss. A deeper loss than that of a loved one, one so great it even makes the losses that left me orphaned seem as though I ‘d merely dropped some small trinket.
“Those who stayed did so because we could not give up this world. But our intentions for staying were vastly different. Some like myself and Big Blue still believed in the creative potential of humans and hoped to foster that potential and revitalize this world. But others saw humans as the cause of this world’s decay. Despite what the Dark Faction thinks we’ve no way to destroy the human body and can only deal some damage to the mind of humans. Mind, Body, and Soul. You are truly complex creatures. To eradicate you, all three must be destroyed. I’ve never been able to decide if it is your powers of Hope or Self Destruction that would prove to be the most powerful. I suppose we will see.”
The Black Spirit shook off his melancholy. The earthquake of questions that shook the peace around us went unheeded.
“Well, that is all I should probably tell you at this time. Such a strange concept time. Of all the inventions you’ve managed to come up with this arbitrary marking of the passage of time that has come to take on a myriad of asinine expectations baffles us the most. I will admit to have become enamored with it though. We do not exist as you do in a manner that our existence is not experienced one moment at a time. Of all my brethren, I am the most fascinated by such an existence.”
A giddiness overcame my soul. Speaking of the idea of time the Black Spirit became as a child being given a new toy.
“Indeed, time has no relevance in the spirit world and we exist in all times at once. But interaction with earth is like walking into a familiar room. As long as everything remains the same and nothing is out of place we take for granted that everything is well. But sometimes you walk into a room and an object is knocked over, in the wrong place, or missing. That causes you to look more closely at the room. My brethren are all guilty of altering something in the room- but all try to make it small enough none of the rest of us notices. But there are things that each of us will notice more than the others. Usually we are more aware of those we claim as our own, for we are more connected to you. You, Ms. Addy, having gotten in over your head yet again by being out of place in time drew the attention of Brother Blue. He consulted with me as I am the only Spectrum Spirit to have even the vaguest notion of how time works in the human world. Upon further investigation we found something of great concern to be out of place.”
Though many things raced through my mind, I recall being chief among them was, ‘Curse Manlencia and her meddlesome hobby!’.
“Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell you which time jump it was. Or will be. To be honest I still have trouble distinguishing the concept of past, present, and future. I like to fancy myself as having the ability to make an educated guess on the subject, but I usually find I am either ahead or behind. Admittedly my mistakes can wreak some havoc in the earthly plane. Though it can be rather amusing. I’m not good at restraint when it comes to my amusement. But Big Brother Blue is skulking about, so I’ve been trying to keep myself well behaved. Speaking of which I should apologize for all the problems you have been experiencing. Interaction with a human soul takes adjustment on the part of the human and the Spectrum Spirit. Big Blue asked me to take you under my wing, I blame him for not letting you know in advance what was happening. Though, let’s both be honest. Even if he’d tried to tell you you would have refused to listen.”
I suppose the Black Spirit was right about that. Perhaps for the sake of sanity I must believe the impossible is indeed the truth of the world. But that train of thought makes my head hurt.
“At any rate congratulations on becoming one of my children. You have the fortune of being one of those few humans that come along whose position in their time and interaction with the time stream makes them important to us to keep tabs on the Dark Faction. To avoid running afoul of Big Brother Blue’s temper, I’ll try to be careful when communicating with you. But, I like you. You’ve got spunk. It’s going to be difficult not to see just what it is you can do with random things I throw at you.”
Everything went silent. At least that is the only word I can think of to describe it. I was aware of Black Spirit’s continued presence. He was still looking at the impossible stars.
When the Black Spirit started to fade another came to take his place. This one was . . . brighter? Stronger? Authoritative? Loving? Protective? I don’t know, but it was unmistakably the Blue Spirit. There could be no denying who he was. In his presence I felt as I did when Brother Jaidev looked at me. There was a gentleness, a sense of caring, but still the promise of what violence would be unleashed should any harm come to me. Though he didn’t ‘say’ anything for a long time. It would seem he too was taken with the sight of the impossible stars. But unlike with the Black Spirit I found myself nervous in the presence of the Blue Spirit. I knew he was aware of it too.
“It amazes me that to see the unseen you must travel to the deep places beyond the light. I suppose that is why they associate the Black Spirit with the idea of black. Though I have yet to comprehend why they associate me with Blue.”
I only nodded. It was only then that I sensed that the Blue Spirit was also nervous. He was worried I would pull away or block him out. But I was still so relaxed and at peace I had no inclination to do either. As we looked at the impossible stars together one thought found it’s way to the surface of my soul. Thank you.
Though he ‘said’ nothing I sensed the Blue Spirit was startled by my thought. Or perhaps it was the sincerity with which I had ‘said’ it. The Blue Spirit is largely the reason I am still alive. He has saved me a multitude of times. It is something I can no longer deny, so in the wake of my gratitude came my contrition. I’m sorry.
I felt myself enveloped in the Blue Spirit. It was a hug. It was most reassuring embrace I have ever felt. Save one. But I’ve not the energy to spare on that person here for he vexes me so. In the embrace of the Blue Spirit I felt a sense of tentativeness, like the catch in your stomach when you have made yourself vulnerable and were waiting to see if you’d be rejected.
“Can you trust me?”
I’ve run out of excuses and arguments. I have been faced with reality and it is so much more than I could have imagined. In that moment I made a choice to believe it was not some dream; I chose to trust in the Blue Spirit. There was a sense of relief and a solemn vow to honor my trust.
And then I woke up on the banks of the pool surrounded by the Oracle Conclave. They were all smiling, so I hazarded the assumption that I had passed their test. I could not hear anything over the roar of the waterfall from the natural spring that was well on it’s way to refilling the pool. The rest of my stay is a haze as I processed through the shock of the encounter. Perhaps someday I will fully understand what happened that afternoon under the impossible stars.
[I must add here that the next page had a message written in blood. ~The Archivist]
You took something priceless from me so I am taking something priceless from you. Wait for my instructions. I’ll see you in Hell Robin Swift.
Carter Twyllodrus
The Good Airship Lollygag 